Can't Hold Back
by intheinkpot
Summary: Three months after the Great Thaw, Anna and Elsa receive a message informing them their parents are still alive and headed home.


Disclaimer: I don't own Frozen. (Also, this may or may not become a series of connected one-shots. I haven't decided yet. Let me know what you think!)

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**i.**

Anna lowers the letter, her hands shaky and gripping the paper so tight she's afraid she might rip it. She barely registers Kristoff calling her name, sounding more worried with each second that passes. She and Kristoff were alone in the dining room, waiting for Elsa to arrive, when a servant delivered an urgent message for her and Elsa. Anna restrained herself for all of two seconds before opening the letter without her sister, curiosity winning out. She wishes she waited.

She stares at the door, not really seeing it. When it opens and Elsa stops just inside the room, staring at Anna - she must look like a wreck, she realizes, with trembling hands, and her face is probably pale, and she feels lightened and a bit dizzy - Anna blinks, focusing on Elsa.

"Anna," Elsa gasps, overcoming her shock and rushing forward, her purple cape fluttering behind her, "what's wrong? Is that the letter the servants - I was told it's urgent - what does it say?"

"It says..." Anna swallows hard. Tears blur her vision; for a few seconds, Elsa and the room are nothing more than a haze of color until the tears spill down her cheeks. "Mama and Papa... They're alive."

The words are like a physical blow. Elsa staggers back a step, looking like all the air has been knocked from her lungs. Anna struggles to remember how to use her limbs; Elsa looks like she'll collapse at any second, but Kristoff - Anna almost forgot he was in the room - stands and moves toward her instinctively, reaching out to steady her, but Elsa shakes her head, and Anna isn't sure if Elsa is telling him no or if she can't process the news that Mama and Papa are alive. Kristoff doesn't seem to know either. He stops in his tracks, lowering his arms slightly.

An anguished look twists Elsa's features, a direct contrast to the smile creeping onto Anna's face. The sight of it makes her smile fade. The look on Elsa's face reminds Anna of when she saw her three months ago in the ice palace, scared and lonely and unable to control her powers. Anna's eyes flick around the room, checking for any unusual frost. The floor beneath Elsa's feet looks slicker than usual.

"Elsa?" Anna asks, brows furrowing. "What's wrong? They're... Mama and Papa are... Isn't this great news?"

Elsa swallows. Anna worries she might faint. Kristoff edges closer, lifting his arms slightly like he's readying himself to catch her.

"I..."

Before either of them can stop her, Elsa flees the room. Kristoff goes to follow and slips on a trail of ice forming along the floor behind Elsa. Anna jumps to her feet, torn between checking on Kristoff and chasing after Elsa. Kristoff becomes her first priority when he groans in pain. She rushes over to him, careful of the ice on the floor, and places her hands on his shoulders to steady him as he gets to his feet, wincing. They stand in silence for a moment.

"I don't understand," Anna says. The paper is still clutched in one trembling hand. "This should be... She should be happy."

An odd expression crosses Kristoff's face, but he doesn't say anything. Anna's thoughts are too focused on Elsa for her to question him. Kristoff places a hand on Anna's shoulder.

"I think we should give Elsa some space for a while," he says gently. "I'm sure she's just overwhelmed. I think she needs some time to take it all in. When are your parents...does the letter say when they're coming back?"

"In a few days," Anna says, and her head feels light again. "The servant said the message got stalled by a storm. It should have gotten here weeks ago to give us time to prepare..." Her voice trails off, and she stares longingly at the door.

Kristoff squeezes her shoulder. "At least a few hours, Anna. Just wait until tonight. I think she needs it."

Reluctantly, Anna nods and leans into Kristoff. He hugs her and rubs her back. She's grateful for the support.

**ii.**

Anna knocks on Elsa's door that night. The whole situation feels surreal, and the feeling grows more intense when Elsa doesn't answer. Just like she had stopped answering when they were children.

Anna frowns. Leaning her forehead against the door, she notices how much colder the door and the air just outside of it are than the rest of the hallway. "Elsa? Please don't shut me out again. I'm here for you."

There's no answer. Anna turns, leans her back against the door and slides down to the floor. She thinks she hears something. She presses her ear against the door, shivering at how cold it is. The sound comes again, and tears prick her eyes. Sobbing. Muffled and fought against but sobs all the same.

"Elsa," Anna says, placing her hand against the door, "please open up. We can work through this together. I'm not leaving."

Elsa doesn't answer. Anna settles in against the door and waits.

She isn't sure how much time passes before she's shifted. Groggy and exhausted, she doesn't open her eyes when something heavy and warm is draped over her and then tucked around her body with loving care. Something is squeezed between her neck and the door, supporting her head. A hand brushes her bangs from her forehead; cool lips press against her skin for a brief moment.

Anna's shifted again but stops halfway back to her original position. A low voice asks, "Is Anna okay?"

"She's fine, Olaf," another voice says, Elsa's voice, but it sounds weak in a way that Anna hasn't heard it since the coronation. "She's just tired."

"She's worried about you," Olaf says.

"I know."

There's silence for a moment, and then Olaf asks, "Can I come in? I don't think you should be alone."

More silence, this time longer, and Anna's sleep-fogged brain begins to process what is happening: this is real and not a dream, that Elsa has opened her door and brought Anna a blanket and pillow, that she needs to fight her way to wakefulness before Elsa shuts her out again. As Anna shifts, her stiff muscles ache in protest, and Anna groans softly.

"Of course, Olaf," Elsa says. "Thank you."

Anna pries her eyes open just in time to see Olaf disappear into Elsa's room. To catch a glimpse of Elsa looking down at her with a mixture of concern and love. Anna blinks, trying to focus.

And then Elsa is gone, and the door shuts.

**iii.**

Anna doesn't see Elsa for the next week outside of brief glimpses and terse conversations that never last more than two minutes. The only comfort Anna can draw from Elsa's isolation is that Olaf spends much of his time in Elsa's room at night. At least someone is there to keep an eye on her.

It stings a bit to know that Elsa doesn't shut out Olaf when she has no problem shutting Anna out, but Anna tries not to let that bother her too much even as she stands at the docks with Kristoff at her side and Elsa no where to be seen.

"Where is she?" Anna asks, wringing her hands. The ship is docked, and the gangplank will lower at any minute. Her heart feels like it's somewhere up in her throat, making it hard to breathe. "I can't believe Elsa would miss this. I haven't seen her all day, do you think she's okay, what if something happened to her - "

Before Kristoff can answer any of her questions, the gangplank lowers and two figures come into view. They lower the hoods on their worn traveling cloaks, and Anna's breath catches in her throat. Kristoff grabs hold of her shoulders, murmuring, "Hold on, feisty pants. Let's not knock them into the water." It's unnecessary for him to hold her; her body seems paralyzed. Her parents are thinner and gaunter than she remembers, and Papa has a limp, but it's _them_, they're _here_, they're _alive _-

And then they step onto the dock, beaming and staring at her with such fierce and unbridled joy. Anna rips herself from Kristoff's grip and lunges into their arms. They catch her, stumbling slightly. Their hugs aren't as strong as they used to be, and it's obvious they've both lost weight. But Anna doesn't care. It doesn't matter. Papa's shoulder is bonier than she remembers, and Mama's arms tremble as she holds her-though whether from weakness or emotion, Anna doesn't know - but they're _holding_ her, and that's all she cares about.

After a minute, both her parents pull back, looking confused and worried, as though they've remembered something important. Still too overcome with emotion, Anna keeps a tight grip on them both and look up at them. She doesn't understand the faint panic in their eyes.

At least not until Papa swallows and asks with a strained voice, "Where's Elsa?" Mama's grip on Papa tightens visibly, though she seems to try hard not to strengthen her grasp on Anna.

It occurs to Anna then that Elsa had learned to shut people out from somewhere.

"I don't know," Anna says, "I haven't seen her all day."

Her parents relax, though they frown, hurt shining in their eyes. Anna never realized just _how much_ Elsa looks like Mama. At their pained expressions, Anna tightens her hold on her parents.

"We should go find Elsa," Anna says. Part of her still feels like she's dreaming. "I'm sure she's just...busy." She winces as she says it, knowing how ridiculous it sounds. "She's probably in her study."

"I'll go find her," Kristoff says. "You spend time with your family." Anna smiles at him, thankful, and he jogs off. The silence between the three of them alternates between comfortable and strained as her parents grow more tense and restless the longer Kristoff is gone. Anna has no idea what to say to them, and they don't appear to know what to say either. Anna notices all the guards for the first time, staring at Mama and Papa in awe and amazement. The scrutiny of the soldiers makes her uncomfortable. Papa places a hand on her shoulder, smiles and nods at the guards and then dismisses them with a wave. They hesitate and then disperse.

Kristoff returns half an hour later without Elsa. "No one's seen her," he says. "But we haven't been plunged into an eternal winter so it can't be that bad."

"Eternal winter?" Papa asks, and Anna can see the worry and concern shining in his eyes. The same worry and concern she'd since in his eyes for years when it came to Elsa but which she had never understood before.

"Yeah," Anna says, a bit distractedly, her worry for Elsa mounting, "that's a long story. It's kinda funny if you think about-" She spots a familiar figure sniffing flowers near by. A familiar figure that had spent quite a lot of time with Elsa lately.

"Olaf!" Anna calls.

Olaf looks up, grins, and scurries over in excitement. "Hi, Anna!"

Her parents gasp behind her. "What the..." Papa says and trails off. Anna allows them a moment to process the appearance of a talking snowman and crouches in front of Olaf.

"Olaf, do you know where Elsa is?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Can you tell me where she is? No one can find her. We're worried about her."

Olaf frowns. "She went to the North Mountain. She said she wanted to be alone. I'm supposed to watch after you while she's gone."

"Thank you, Olaf," Anna says, smiling in relief. Elsa is alright. She hasn't disappeared entirely. Standing, she asks, "Kristoff, can you - "

"I'll go hook up Sven to the sled," Kristoff says, beating her to the punch and disappears.

After a moment of silence, Olaf notices Mama and Papa. He smiles and waves. "Hi! I'm Olaf, and I like warm hugs."

**iv.**

The sled rushes across the snow. Sven gallops toward the North Mountain, guided occasionally by Kristoff. Anna sits in the front of the sled while Mama and Papa huddle in the back with Olaf. Mama watches Olaf with wide eyes as Olaf rambles on about something. Anna can't follow what he's saying.

Papa leans forward. "Anna, what is - why is there - ?" He stops and seems to have to gather himself before asking, "Why is there a talking snowman?"

Olaf catches that comment and stops talking mid-sentence. He turns to Papa. "Elsa made me." Anna adores the proud tone in Olaf's voice, the one that says he's proud to be Elsa's creation, that he wouldn't want to be anyone else's (not, of course, that there is anyone else who could have made him, but for Olaf - and for Anna too sometimes - that will always be beside the point).

"Elsa made you..." Papa trails off. He's stunned, but he also looks as though he already knew it must have been her. Who else could it have been? "And you're alive?"

"I think so," Olaf says.

"He is," Anna says.

"When did this happen?" Papa demands. He sounds angry which throws Anna until she recognizes his anger. She saw it the night of Elsa's coronation when she pushed too hard and too publicly for answers. It's an anger born of fear.

"About three months ago," Anna says.

"Who else knows?"

"Everyone," Anna says, the word leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. At her father's stricken look, she realizes why Elsa has gone to the North Mountain. "Everyone knows. They love her magic. The only people afraid of it are you."

A hot rush of anger washes over her, twisting her stomach into knots. All this time she could have had a sister; she could have helped Elsa through everything. Elsa didn't have to be alone. Anna didn't have to be alone. None this had to happen, and staring at her parents now who both look terrified at the thought of Elsa's magic, despite seeing the wonderful things it could produce, she fears Mama and Papa will lock Elsa away again.

She won't let it happen. She isn't naive enough to think it will be easy, especially not since Elsa's isolation all those years was at least partly self-imposed. But she hopes she will never have to stare at another locked door, never again have to experience the loss of her sister and the lies of her parents.

Papa and Mama are startled by her words and her fierce glare. Beside her, Kristoff hunches his shoulders, trying to make himself smaller. Olaf, too, has fallen silent, black eyes darting between Anna and her parents, worried but knowing well enough to stay out of this particular argument. For now at least.

"Anna," Mama says, and it sounds like the breath has been knocked from her lungs. She places her hands on the wooden back of the bench in front of her, gripping hard. "Anna, we only wanted to do what was best for you - and for Elsa. She's dangerous - was dangerous. She needed to learn to control her powers."

"You only made it worse!" Anna snaps. She's not sure where exactly her conviction comes from. She knows Elsa was alone and scared, which made her powers more unpredictable, but there's something else tugging at her mind now, some half-forgotten memory, some strange conviction that Elsa had, at one point, been able to control her powers.

Mama and Papa don't argue. Papa stares her straight in the eyes, and she can see the years were hard on him too. He doesn't make excuses, only says, "We did our best."

Mama nods. "We never meant to hurt either of you."

They're telling the truth, but it's a small consolation given the pain and suffering she and Elsa both endured. Elsa may have had it worse, but Anna feels the bitterness welling up inside her. They had hurt her too. They never gave her a chance to decide for herself. They just took her sister away.

Tears prick her eyes, and she rubs them away angrily. "You took her from me." Ever since she got the letter, Anna couldn't wait to see them. Was terrified it was all just a dream. She imagined the days following their arrival being filled with love and happiness. They would all be together again. They could be a _family_ again. A _better_ family, one that was there for each other and didn't hide away behind locked doors. But the sharp ache in her chest, the tears of anger threatening to choke her, the bitterness - she couldn't have imagined this. Is this how Elsa felt, had been feeling, when Anna told her the news?

Anna turns away from her parents and pulls her knees up to her chest. They don't speak for the rest of the trip.

**v.**

The sled slows to a stop near the ice bridge, and Anna hears her parents gasps of shock. Kristoff nudges Anna's shoulder, jerks his head in the direction of a large snow mound by the stairs, and frowns. Anna studies the mound, uncertain how to proceed. If that snow mound is actually what she thinks it is, and if Elsa truly wants to be left alone...

Maybe she should have left their parents at the castle. Elsa clearly isn't ready to see them. Anna wonders if her parents are truly ready to see her either.

But glancing at the massive palace doors, she catches a glimpse of Elsa's face peering through the cracked doors, and her determination grows. She jumps off the sled. "You should wait here." Without giving them time to protest, she strides toward the stairs. The snow mound shifts and shakes when she sets her foot on the first step, and a massive head with hollow eyes rises from the snow.

Anna freezes. The snow monster stares at her but does not fully rise from the ground.

"Anna," her parents exclaim in stricken voices. A second later, Olaf cries, "Marshmallow!" and rushes up to stand beside Anna.

"How have you been, buddy?" Olaf says.

Marshmallow stares at him blankly. It shifts to look at Anna. "Go away."

Fighting didn't work last time. Perhaps a different tactic? Over the last three months, Anna came to realize that Elsa put a lot of herself into Olaf when she made him. Perhaps she can reason with the monster - with Marshmallow.

"Please, Marshmallow," she says, "I really need to see Elsa. She's upset. I want to help. Please let me in."

Marshmallow cocks his head to side as if considering. After a moment, he says, "No."

Anna takes a step toward Marshmallow, ignoring her parents and Kristoff's calls to stop. "Please," she says, not caring if she's begging, "I just want to help her. The same way you do. I would never hurt her. I promise."

Marshmallow shakes his head. "Can't let you through. Mama said - "

"Mama?" Anna asks in surprise, and she hears the sentiment echoed behind her in three different voices.

Marshmallow ignores her. "No one allowed." He reaches out a massive hand.

The palace doors slam open. "Stop!"

He does. So does everyone. Elsa stands in the doorway, wearing her beautiful ice dress and managing to look both every inch the Snow Queen she is thought to be and still be Elsa, her sister, who is uncertain and struggling to remain composed.

"Elsa?" Anna hears Mama say behind her. Anna isn't sure if Elsa can hear it, though the way she eyes the sled and the people in it tells Anna she has only a few precious seconds before Elsa closes the doors again. She jogs up the staircase. Footsteps crunch through the snow behind her, and she knows Mama and Papa are following her. Anna ducks past Elsa and into the palace just before she slams the doors closed.

They stand there in silence for a moment, just looking at each other and listening. No one knocks on the doors. They hear murmured voices on the other side though they can't make out what's being said.

A snowflake lands on Anna's nose. She hadn't realized it started to snow. Watching Elsa, she doesn't think Elsa has noticed either. Elsa curls her hands into fists, bits her bottom lip, and trembles.

Anna reaches out to her. "Elsa? What's wrong?"

"What do you mean?" Elsa turns to her, but Anna can see Elsa isn't quite focusing in her.

The snow gets heavier, and Anna hesitates. Not wanting to upset her sister further, she decides against mentioning it. "You're trembling."

Elsa looks down at her hands. They shake slightly. She crosses her arms, resting her hands on her elbows, the same way she had done during her coronation after Anna snatched her glove. As she turns away, Anna resists the urge to move closer. Elsa needs her space.

"It's going to be okay, Elsa," Anna says gently. Elsa shoots her such a miserable and agonized look that Anna can't help but take a few steps toward her. She remembers her promise and stops before she reaches Elsa. She has to respect Elsa's space.

"It's okay," is all Elsa whispers. It's all it takes for Anna to close the distance between them and pull Elsa close. She places a hand against the back of Elsa's head, gently bringing Elsa's head to her shoulder.

Elsa forces a weak laugh. "I'm supposed to be comforting you."

"We can comfort each other," Anna says. "We're not alone anymore."

Elsa doesn't respond for a minute. They stand in silence. Elsa brings her arms up to hug Anna back and presses her face against Anna's shoulder.

"I don't know what to do. I should be happy."

"It's okay. It's...it's confusing. I was so happy to have them back but having them here I..." Anna swallows hard. "They took you from me."

A sob tears itself from Elsa's throat. She clings to Anna.

"It's not their fault. They were only trying to protect you. It was my choice too."

Anna shakes her head. "Maybe later, but they made you afraid of your powers. You were never - " _Afraid before_ is what she wants to say, though she has no evidence of this. A memory scratches at the back of her mind. Despite to surface but restrained.

Elsa tenses in Anna's arms. "I would have hurt you. I did hurt you. I didn't mean too - "

"It was one time, Elsa," Anna says, "and only because you were scared. If Mama and Papa hadn't forced you to hide them then you could have practiced! You could have learned to control them sooner!"

The memory scratches harder, struggles to break through. A shiver passes through her.

Elsa pulls away from Anna with growing agitation. "One time that almost killed you!"

Elsa doesn't appear to hear the knock on the palace doors nor the way they swing open. She has her back turned to Anna and their parents as she heads to the stairs.

"You didn't mean to hurt me, Elsa," Anna says. "It was an accident."

"It always is!" Elsa shouts, anger and sadness and desperation bursting out of her. Ice shoots up in spikes in front of her. The same way they had at the coronation. Elsa stares at her hands, terror growing in her eyes. Anna ignores the spikes. The memory has almost broken through; vague impressions of shapes and color and laughter and screams flit through her mind. Nebulous still but growing more concrete.

"What do you mean by 'always'?" Anna glances at their parents, whose expressions morph into ones of guilt, shame and fear. She turns back to Elsa and takes a step forward, her voice stronger as she demands, "What aren't you telling me?"

Elsa hesitates. "I'm sorry, Anna..."

"No!" Anna shouts, startling even herself. She takes a deep breathe and continues. "All my life you've been keeping secrets from me. I deserve to know."

Elsa looks away. Her fingers clutch her sleeves. "When we were little..."

"Elsa," Papa says warningly.

Anna glares at him. "Keep going, Elsa. I deserve to know."

Elsa glances at Papa and Mama in surprise for a moment and then looks down at the floor. She trembles harder. "When we were little...we were playing. I hit you with my powers... I thought you were dead. The trolls saved you but changed your memories so you wouldn't remember I had magic. They said it was for the best."

The memory breaks through. Anna stumbles back, feeling like she's been punched in the chest. She remembers - _"The sky's awake so I'm awake" _- going to the ballroom - _"Do you wanna build a snowman?" _- to play with Elsa - _"Do the magic! Do the magic!" _- and jumping along snow piles when - _"Anna, slow down!" _- she jumped too soon and - _"Anna!"_

"Anna?" Elsa reaches out a hand, terror lurking in her eyes.

Anna glares at her parents. "You let them take my memories?"

"It was the only way," Papa says.

"It was an accident. It was my fault. She told me not to - and you punished _Elsa _- it was my fault." Anna's chest constricts. Breathing hurts. Tears flow down her cheeks. "Oh, Elsa, I'm so sorry. You told me to slow down, and I didn't - " Voice failing, she claps her hands over her mouth. Her stomach churns. She thinks she's going to be sick.

Elsa rushes to her while their parents stand frozen, clearly torn. They want to do something but are afraid of making it worse. Elsa places her hands on Anna's arms, crouching as Anna crumples to the floor.

"It's not your fault," Elsa says. "Don't blame yourself."

Elsa doesn't blame her. Elsa doesn't - Anna collapses against Elsa, sobbing. "I'm sorry," she murmurs over and over again while Elsa shushes her.

After a moment, two more pairs of arms engulf her and Elsa and then Elsa is crying too. Anna lifts her head from Elsa's shoulder. Their parents are hugging them both close, tears streaming down their faces.

Elsa twists within Mama and Papa's arms, and Anna loosens her own grip on Elsa so that Elsa can turn enough to bury her face in Mama's neck.

Anna realizes she never saw Elsa see their parents off that day. Had she hugged them then? When was the last time Elsa had touched someone without fear of harming them? She clamps down on another sob.

"Mama..." Elsa removes her arms from Anna and clings to Mama. Papa looks to Anna with a questioning expression in his eyes, and Anna nods with a small smile. Papa smiles gently and wraps both arms around Elsa, resting his cheek on top of her head.

"We love you, Elsa," Mama says.

"We're so proud of you," Papa murmurs.

Elsa shudders, a harsh sob ripping from her throat. Then she tenses. Snow begins to fall. "Please don't make me wear the gloves again. Please..."

Mama and Papa share a look over the top of Elsa's head. Anna can see they're uncertain. They look to her. She stares them firmly in the eyes, trying to communicate her feelings: _if you hurt her again, I will never forgive you._

Mama strokes Elsa's hair and kisses the top of her head. "Of course not. We were wrong, and we are _so_ sorry."

Anna's emotions churn inside her, a conflicted and chaotic mess, but the sight of Elsa relaxing into their parents embrace quiets the storm. For this moment at least, Elsa is content. Peaceful. She isn't sure how long Elsa will stay that way or how long it will be before either she or Elsa breaks down again. They haven't even scratched the surface of all the things Anna wants to say - _needs_ to say, needs to work through - so they can't possibly have worked through all the things Elsa needs to, but for now this is enough.


End file.
